Tag Archives: parenting humor

As For Me and My House We Shall Serve The Breast…

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Breast is best, isn’t that what they always say? Well for some people the bottle = sanity and that’s okay too! Out of six kids I breast fed two of them. Gasp….yes, only two, now before you call all the organnies out and start protesting on my front lawn, let me explain…I didn’t feel comfortable letting my first born or my second for that matter, eat off my boob and by the time I got to my third, I was on the fence about the whole matter but I didn’t want to give one child a better advantage than the other two, that wouldn’t be fair, would it? I was also under the impression that I would basically be confined to my house, being milked the whole first year of my child’s life. When our fourth child graced us with his presence, I felt like I had no other choice but to breast feed, with the economy the way it was and that thing they call inflation, and the fact that every time you turned on the news their was a recall on some brand of formula I was scared to even look at a bottle! Plus, during a play date, a friend of mine pulled out this thing called a hooter hider and nursed her baby in the middle of McDonald’s play place unbeknownst to anyone! I was intrigued, this simple act completely defused my prior thoughts of being chained up at home.

 

So I whipped out the ol’ milk jugs for baby #4, I was unable to nurse #5, and #6 also got the best of my breast and currently still is! Nope I am not ashamed to still be nursing my son who isn’t quite two yet, I’m actually quite proud that I had enough dedication to stick it out this long! People, the boobs are not meant to be used as ornaments. Are you setting down, because I am about to unveil the truth to you…God intended the breast to be used for…drum roll, please….a way to feed your kid!!! Don’t feel bad, I was shocked too when I learnt this. I am fully aware that there are some people out there that are completely disgusted with breast feeding. Why is this any of their business you ask? Well apparently, they feel violated when they happen to walk up on a mother nourishing her baby. This of course usually interrupts their either a. view of the woman that is standing behind the mother, wearing a tight, provocative, dangerously low cut, cleavage bearing shirt, or b. the mother is taking attention away from the woman who is flaunting her newly purchased air bags, she is thinking ‘you know I paid good money for these, and you are taking away from the awe factor I was going for!’ Guess what, breast feeding mommies have a right to enjoy the sunshine too, I’ll keep my mouth shut about your honkers if you keep yours quiet about mine:)

 

I recently received a nursing gown from Savi Mom Maternity and Nursing Wear and I LOVE it! Savi Mom (follow this link to their page) is an awesome place to buy maternity and nursing wear, they are fashionable, functional and affordable! I asked them if they had any advice or funny things that they had heard or seen through out their years of experience. They were once told by a mom that while she was breast feeding, very discretely, in a restaurant at her table, someone approached her and told her that is was not appropriate to do that in public and she should go to the bathroom to nurse. This mom politely told the person that if they like to eat their meals in the bathroom that was their own personal preference, but her baby preferred eating at the table. Savi Mom’s personal advice to those of you who are trying to decide whether or not breast is best for you and yours is…”Don’t let other people’s opinions of what is right or acceptable dictate what you do. Breastfeeding is the most natural and kind thing that you can do for your baby. There is never any shame in it! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel bad about nourishing your baby, no matter where you are! Be kind to yourself. Every mom feels like she is messing up on a daily basis, it’s okay…you are doing great.”

 

My advice to those of you trying to make this hard decision is do what you feel comfortable doing. If you choose to breast feed your child then hooray!!! You are a brave, wonderful, great mom! Do not be ashamed because another person is insecure with your security. It is absolutely none of their business. For those moms out there that choose the bottle for your feeding needs then good for you!! You are also a brave, wonderful, great mom! You knew what was best for your family and your situation and you chose wisely. Don’t let others make you feel bad for not breast feeding, it is nobody’s business but yours!

 

Because I know that this is a hard decision to make…from experience, I have put together a list of pros and cons for you. Maybe this will make your decision easier!

As for me and my house we shall serve the breast!

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~

*Please click on the Top Mommy Blog icon to vote for my blog!!!

Bottle Feeding:

 

Pro: It’s convenient!

Con: It’s man-made

 

Pro: Baby can hold a bottle

Con: frequent ear infections

 

Pro: more freedom

Con: frequent belly aches

 

Pro: People won’t ask you to feed your baby in the bathroom!

Con: Other’s might judge you because you chose not to breast feed. (we can’t win for losing can we?!)

 

Pro: Your husband can take a midnight feeding or 2!!

Con: Your husband is an extra ‘heavy’ sleeper and you still have to get up several times with the baby!

 

Breast Feeding

 

Pro: It’s all natural!

Con: Nobody else can feed your baby!

 

Pro: You lose your baby weight faster!

Con: You will probably have to wear a size bigger top because of the jugs!

 

Pro: one on one bonding with your baby.

Con: you can not leave your baby for more than two hours at a time.

 

Pro: your milk is readily available.

Con: People will judge you for your right to feed your baby anywhere you please.

 

Pro: You get more sleep! Trust me;)

Con: You become a human pacifier.

 

Pro: You get to wear cute, comfy clothes from the Savi Mom! Their clothes are functional, stylish, and affordable! Try their most popular nursing gown and you’ll be recommending it to all of your fellow nursing friends like I am!! It’s the softest thing ever!! Because I love this gown and everything else they have to offer so much I have teamed up with the girls over at Savi Mom to bring you my very first FREE GIVE AWAY!!!!

*Savi Mom Nursing Gown Giveaway Rules*

First off follow me on Twitter @themommamamom and like my Facebook page youhavesixkids. I will be announcing the winner on both of these pages so you won’t want to miss that!!!

The contest will run from now until November 5, 2014!!!!!

There are two ways you can enter your name in the contest…

1. Comment on this blog post and share this post with all your family and friends via Facebook and or Twitter. Make sure you are following me on both!

2. Comment on this link via my Facebook page youhavesixkids and share this post via Facebook!

I will take the names from both entries, but make sure you share it!!!  NO DOUBLE ENTRIES!!!!

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10 Reasons Why I Don’t Always Like My Kids…

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Just because I love my children unconditionally doesn’t mean that I always like my children. There are times when I hear their voice calling my name and I hide like I’m the star witness against the biggest organized crime boss in the history of the mob! They walk through the house yelling “MOooOOOoooOOMmmmMMM, where are you????”  I find myself testing there intelligence “Mom’s not here right now so leave a message after the beep” You know it’s really to hard like somebody all the time when you spend every. waking. moment. with. them! I want to live right by God but I’m no saint! I bet there are times when even God doesn’t like us very much. I know he loves us but do you honestly think that during those times of…say road rage he is thinking “awe she’s such a sweetheart, I really like her” Like when we are yelling every profanity there ever was at the car in front of us for sitting through a green light because they are soooo involved in Facebook on their phone? Yeah, I’m thinking not. I bet there will be a lot of moments throughout my kids’ lives that they aren’t going to like me either!

But for now, for you enjoyment I give you my top 10 list of…..I don’t like my kid when….

 

1. I don’t like my kid when… they ask for the last bite of my chocolate pie.  Ummmm…..here I guess you can because sharing is suppose to be caring, right?

2. I don’t like my kid when…I tell them to go to bed and they all of a sudden remember that they have math homework…due tomorrow!

Fine! 1+1=2, 2+2=4….now go to bed and let that sink in!

3. I don’t like my kid when…I tell him to take out the trash and he instantly gets stricken with the urge to poop.  Well you better hold it in until you get this darn trash out!

4. I don’t like my kid when…he has a sudden case of honesty at the water park. “He’s under 9.” “I AM NOT! I’m 10!” As if he is going to get 19.95’s worth out of the ‘big’ slide!

5. I don’t like my kid when…he tells his Dad about how exciting it was when the police officer asked for mommy’s license and insurance….  Ummm….now I have to poop…

6. I don’t like my kid when…I tell her to stop bugging her brother and she says (with hands on hips) “say it nice mom”. Oh I’m getting ready to say it ‘nicely’

7. I don’t like my kid when…he starts yodeling throughout the house using a high pitched, screeching sound in place of his normal voice.  Don’t quit your day job, boy.

8. I don’t like my kid when…he asks me if it’s his turn on the computer yet..is it now?…is it now?….is it now?…. Perdoname, no habla ingles.

9. I don’t like my kid when…he unnecessarily repeats things I have said. My mom says you’re lazy………   I certainly did not! never speak in front of ears again repeat never speak in front of ears again.

10. I don’t like my kid when….I give him a hug and kiss in the morning and he tells me my breath stinks.    Ha, never!

 

I absolutely love my kids and I would be lost without them but let’s face it sometimes kids are just plain mean. “Mom, am I getting a baby brother?!?”  “No, why do you ask that?”  “Because your belly is sooooooo BIG!”

The secret is out, mom’s are human too! So why don’t you like your kids?

If you laughed while reading this or found yourself smiling even a little bit share it on Facebook! Sometimes we just have to find a reason to laugh or the stress will swallow us up. Thank you, and please click on the Top Mommy Blogger link to cast your vote for my blog! Keep coming back for more:)

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~

 

50 Shades of….Shame?

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“Why For! OH MY GOSH…put that book down! I thought I told you to NEVER look at my book EVER!” I screamed this as I walked into the room to find our oldest, studying a book that I had been reading. “Mama, this book has a bad word in it, it says F….” expresses Why For, innocently. Well, I’m sure by this point you are probably wondering at least two things. Number one…Why in the world would I forbid my child to look at my book, and number two….exactly what kind of book was I reading? Let me just tell ya, when it comes to the world we live in today it’s not just black and white anymore, there are a lot of Grey areas…Fifty Shades of Grey to be exact:) Haha!

Yes, I admit I read ALL the Fifty Shades books. I read them like I was in the witness protection program. I read them while wearing dark shades and a blonde wig! You all know what I’m talking about! You read it too. Didn’t you? How could anyone not be a little intrigued? What with women everywhere you looked, hurriedly pushing their carts through the grocery store in eager attempts to get the heck out of there and get home to their books. Women throwing sequels to the first one in their shopping carts and then piling the Charmin Ultra on top so nobody would see the shame that was awaiting them when they dug it out of the sack at home, but not before using the self checkout in an attempt to hide the smut, even from the checker. Throughout offices, churches, schools, hospitals there were hushed whispers of red rooms, chains and whips, mesmerizing eyes, and an oddly attractive young woman named Anastasia.

While reading the book, I found myself checking over my shoulder numerous times and turning as red as the walls of Mr. Grey’s pleasure room:) When people would ask “What are you reading” I would reply in a paranoid, high pitched, cracking voice…”What? Oh what am I reading? Oh um nothing, I mean it’s nothing, it’s just uh um oh you know one of those be a better parent books!” Of course, to be honest after the first day of receiving the book from a friend of mine I went straight home and got to reading. After reading the first few chapters I called my other friend and said “Oh Whitey, have I got the book for you!” Whitey was always saying…”I don’t have time to read” I hounded her non stop until she gave it a try and then we both pushed it on our gal pal Teener. Whom of course was instantly hooked!

My point here is the book Fifty Shades of Grey infiltrated the lives of women across the world like Justin Beiber’s haircut found its home on thousands of twelve year old boys’ heads across America. Yes, we were ashamed and exhilarated! Men were dropping to their knees with tears streaming down their cheeks crying up to the sky with praying hands uttering Thank you, thank you! Babies were being conceived and onesies were were flying off the shelves with cutesie little sayings such as 9 months ago my mom read fifty shades of grey.

This morning on the Today Show, they released the official trailer for the movie version of this risqué trilogy, well in true Mr. Grey fashion they could only show a portion of it because the full trailer was “too hot for morning TV” according to a writer for the Today Show website.  What does this mean for all of us secret and not so secret Grey fans?  HOLD ONTO YOUR HANDCUFFS CHICAS…February 13 is only 203 days away! Can I get a Vicki Gunvalson, Real House Wives of Orange County….. WOO HOO!!!!

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~

 

***DISCLAIMERS***

***I did in fact read and enjoy all of the Fifty Shades of Grey books.

***Our sixth child is questioned by some, to be a result of the Grey phenomenon……

***The fact that I like the Grey Books does not make me any less of a good steward of God, the fact that I admit to it probably makes me a better one! Keep it real people, no need to hide who you really are:)

***Why For never picked up another one of my books again…………….

 

The tangled webs we weave…

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Mom, Mama, MoOOOOooooooOOOOmmmmMMMmm!!!!!! “WHAAAAT!!??!” I scream back.  “I lost a tooth!!!” is what my little butter bean tells me.  At this time he is 5ish and this is like his first tooth that he actually lost on his own, by that I mean the first tooth that the dentist didn’t have to pull. Hey don’t judge, we try really hard to remember to brush our teeth around here:) He is so excited that he gets to put his tooth under his pillow that night and profit off of his pearly whites! So all of the clan, that is not napping, gathers around and we do our congratulatory high fives and way to goes.  We carefully put his tooth in a plastic baggy and we lay it in the kitchen window seal to await its destiny.  The hustle and bustle of the day goes on and then comes night fall…. Snookums and I try tirelessly to get our little stars to GO. TO. SLEEP.  I have no shame when it comes to trying to get them to sleep, you try putting six energetic little bunnies down for a good nights rest! I pull out all my tricks some of which may or may not include the night night monster, destruction to mankind as we know it, and my favorite if you don’t go to sleep the people that made SpongeBob are going to quit making it and you’ll never. get. to. watch. it. agaaaaiiin! Of course, I prayed for smart children and that is one of the prayers that God answered just the way I wanted him too! You all know how prayers go we tell God what we want and the way we want it and usually (this is how I imagine it anyway) he hears us and then starts laughing uncontrollably and says in his beautiful booming voice “Oh, really Sally, so that’s the way I should handle that. Hmm, well how bout I give you what you want in the way I want to and completely rock your world while I do it!” Well, that didn’t happen for me in this case, I prayed for smart kids and God gave them to me. Anyhoo, back to my story. So we try and try to get them to go to sleep and I’m sure your figuring out (from experience) where this is going, yep they are too darn smart to fall for my tricks. Soooo I try to wait them out (picture watching the Vatican and waiting for the smoke signal to let us know there’s been a new Pope elected) but all of a sudden there is a blinding light coming through the blinds, and yes, I wake up the next morning to a very angry, toothless, moneyless butter bean.  “MOOOOOOOOM, SHE DIDNT SHOW!”  Ooooops… “Ummmm, honey the tooth fairy was called out on an emergency run last night and she knew you of ALL kids would understand. Hey, I bet she leaves you even more money for having to wait. I think she pays interest.” insert reassuring smile here. 🙂 Well, that little lie seemed to tie him over for awhile anyway, but I knew I better not screw up again!  Snookums catches me in the hall and says in a death of a whisper “way to go tooth fairy” insert sarcastic smile here. Oh no he didn’t (said in my best Real Housewives of NY, Bethenny Frankel voice), choose your battles women, choose your battles.  We won’t watch the instant replay of this bad call now but we will put it in the file cabinet for future review! hahaha.  So, after feeling like “mom of the year” ~NOT~ all day, I put the kids down early and wait them out like a trained Navy Seal.  Or so I thought… I sneak very quietly into their bedroom, the 3 bigs shared a room at this time, I very carefully lift the pillow soaked with drool and slip the little baggie with the money maker inside out from underneath butter bean. Then just as I am slipping the $2 (remember the interest) back underneath the pillow and silently celebrating my “win” in my head I hear “Mom, what are you doing?” Oh crap! I instantly go into Cheech and Chong, Up in Smoke mode paranoid as all get out looking from side to side to figure out which one it is. Then I see two big brown eyes staring at me in a very condescending way. bum bum buuum….Its big foot or sometimes known as “why for?”  yep my one and only question master. Why for asks “Mom are you the tooth fairy?” Before answering this question I think long and hard for like a whole minute on what I should say. I could lie and make up some elaborate story that would give the one the night before a run for its money or I could hang my head and own up to the lie I have been living now for 9 years. So I decide that at his age it would be better to be honest, instead of continuing to let him believe that Larry the cable guy could grow wings and become very small when little children were sleeping and fly around collecting teeth in exchange for money (have you ever seen Tooth fairy 2) I would tell him that it was me.  To my surprise he took the news really well, but then again he has always been a little more mature than myself:) After the talk we both went to sleep, woke up the next morning and went about our business. But we had a connection, a shared secret just between the two of us we were now confidants.  So later that next day, I’m feeling pretty good cause I really just dodged a big bullet, Why for gets home from school. He starts lingering around me and hemming and hawing.  Finally, I start doing the dishes (this is when they all usually scatter, except my littles) and he is still lingering.  I’m starting to get a little worried at this point, he is normally gone by now, and BAM he lays a good one on me.  He says “So, Mom, I’ve been thinking…if you’re the tooth fairy, I’m starting to get really worried about Santa Claus!” AAAHHHH MAAAAN NOOOOOOOOO NOT SANTA!!!!!!!!! That’s what I was screaming on the inside! Don’t worry! I danced around that one and came out with a solid 10! Oh the tangled webs we weave! Retelling this story has made me think about some of the ridiculous lies we tell our kids! These are usually pretty universal lies, like, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Drain Monster…oh wait what’s that I hear you saying? What’s The Drain Monster? Is that one only in my family? Don’t Judge, you try getting slippery little boogers out of the bath in timely manner:) I’ll give you my list of Top 5 ridiculous lies we tell our kids. But I also want to hear from you! I want to know what funny little lies you tell your kids:) Thank you for reading and I hope you fully enjoyed this one! If this put a smile on your face please, please SHARE with your friends!!! If you like what I have to write then follow my blog so that you will receive email updates when I post something new!! Keep watching for more and have a truly Blessed day!

xoxoxo

~Mommamamom

***Dislcaimers***

***A healthy marriage is not built on racking up negative points/ammo against the other. I try really hard to NOT do this! Try being the operative word:)

***This is MY version of how this story went down. I’m sure if you ask Snookums or our kids they would have a completely different view of what happened and I promise you it won’t be near as dramatic and it will be with a lot less “additives”

***My children do visit the Dentist regularly for preventative care. They just really LOVE candy, like their Mama:)

Top 5 List of ridiculous lies we tell our kids…

1. The Stork. Why yes child, you were dropped from 50 feet in the air on my doorstop by an overgrown bird with a hammock made out of a sheet!

2. If you don’t stay in your car seat the cops are going to arrest you. Ok, lets be honest here its our butts on the line not our 2 year olds:) LOL

3. The Night Night Monster. In our house at bed time, the night night monster wakes up and if the kids don’t go and lay in their bed he growls! I’m not sure whose bright idea this one was! I’m sure it was mine, I can imagine sitting in my chair and hearing for the umpteenth hundred time “MOOOOM I’m thirsty” and in my moment of weakness I growl at them and say “Go to bed, or I’ll get the night night monster!” Mom of the year moment right there:)

4. Larry the Boys Home Coordinator. Yep, you read it right! I have had to threaten Sporty Mcgee numerous times with this one.  “Sporty Mcgee if you don’t lose the attitude I’m sending you to a boys home!” I’m sure you can picture me picking up my cell phone and calling “Larry” A LOT!! and then imagine my surprise when we got a new preacher and his name happened to be Larry! Sporty Mcgee cried in complete horror over going to church that Sunday!

5. “Feeding the Fish”  Our “challenger” has a hard time going poo poo, #2, tiddle.  He will wait and wait and wait.  So Snookums did what any normal red blooded American Father would do, he told him that the fish down in the bottom of the potty were hungry and he needed to feed them:) So now our “challenger” will say “Mom, I need to go feed the fish now” 🙂 Works like a charm!

Girl, don’t you know what causes that?

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Yes, as a matter of fact I do know what causes this! Snookums’ likes to respond with “that’s the problem” then he follows with a hardy hahaha. Having a large family comes with its fare share of “luggage” but one of my favorite and sometimes very annoying “carry on bags” is the one filled with all the questions, looks, whispers and just flat out bug eyed stares that we get on any given family outing.  Oh yes, people love to ask questions and make assumptions.  For the most part snookums and I can find the humor in it, but of course there are always those times when we have had “one of those days”. You know what kind I’m talking about. The kind that make Mommy Dearest look like Mary Poppins, the days that you find yourself googling the nearest mental hospital because that’s the closet version of a day spa you’ll ever lay eyes on! Yes, the days where your hairs a mess and you very well may have the same make up on from the night before. Yep, the kind of day when you are afraid to smile too big because you can’t recall if you brushed your teeth this morning or not! Those are always the days that we get the skeptical look, when we’re waiting in the check out line at Wal-Mart, the look of “where’d that one come from”?  Let me paint the picture…Me standing in line at Wal-Mart. I’ve got one hand holding onto the back of the baby’s shirt (so he doesn’t fall out of the cart of course) the other arm is reaching over into the basket swatting at the daughter’s eager efforts to open the ice cream carton, my leg is bent in an awkward position trying to protect the “I want this” stuff marketing people so cleverly place low to the ground in the check out stations from my “challenger” and I am looking in every which direction saying, “no you can’t have that, hey don’t touch that, I said no you, oh heck whoever you are”  to my three bigs whom I might add are suppose to know better. *sarcastic cough* yeah right *sarcastic cough*. Snookums is usually totally embarrassed and over it by this point that he is pretending not to be with us. While all of this is going on I have the lady behind me say “boy you guys have you’re hands full don’t ya.” Then, lady behind me will very dramatically look and every single one of the eight of us and then look back at our daughter and then snookums and me and then back at my daughter and so curiously ask “Are they ALL yours?” (I guess those of you reading this may be wondering why the looks? Our daughter is biracial and we were blessed by God with the chance to make her ours through adoption.) By this point I’m ready to scream in my best Ross Gellar impersonation with my hands flailing  “We were on a break!!!!” (Friends, best sitcom of all time!). Instead I ever so politely say “Yes, they are all ours whether it be biologically or through the wonderful gift of adoption” insert prettiest smile here.  It’s times like this, when snookums and I are walking back to the car, heads hanging, because we gave into our children’s relentless begging’s for chocolate, that we review the questions we get on a daily basis, most of the time from complete strangers.  It is in the safety of our car, which by the way would give a hard rock concert a run for it’s money noise wise, that we think of all the things we should of said. We all do it, we all come up with the witty and funny comeback just a few minutes to late. This point brings me to my point:) I thought it would be fun to list all the questions and comments we get along with the comebacks we should have said!  So for your enjoyment I have compiled a list of my top 5. Feel free to add to it! I hope you enjoyed my funny, commit this blog to memory, share it with your friends and come back for more stories from me:) I can promise you a laugh but I can’t promise you that I’ll always be politically correct. So if you can’t handle the heat then GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!  ~~XOXO~~

~Mommamamom

***Disclaimer

         ***Snookums works very hard to support our family, we pay for ourselves:)

         ***He doesn’t really pretend not to know us…I don’t think :/  😉

         ***I love my children and would never really “chain ’em up” 🙂

         ***I’m not an English major nor do I care if I used correct grammar or spelling so go ahead and make fun all ya want, I don’t care!                   

TOP 5

1. Question: How do you feed all those kids?

    Witty comeback: With your tax dollars! (LOL)

2. Question: Where did you find her? (in regards to my adopted daughter)

    Witty comeback: There was an awesome sale at Babies R Us last week! I even had a coupon!

3. Question: You guys going to keep trying until you get your girl? (we ALWAYS got this question before we were blessed with our girl)

    Witty comeback: You going to keep trying until you have a cute one?

4. Question: Do you know what causes that?

    Witty comeback: Yep, it was that dang bottle of Moscato and six pack of Bud.

5. Question: How do you handle all these kids?

    Witty comeback: I just chain ’em up.