Tag Archives: humor

10 Reasons Why I Don’t Always Like My Kids…

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Just because I love my children unconditionally doesn’t mean that I always like my children. There are times when I hear their voice calling my name and I hide like I’m the star witness against the biggest organized crime boss in the history of the mob! They walk through the house yelling “MOooOOOoooOOMmmmMMM, where are you????”  I find myself testing there intelligence “Mom’s not here right now so leave a message after the beep” You know it’s really to hard like somebody all the time when you spend every. waking. moment. with. them! I want to live right by God but I’m no saint! I bet there are times when even God doesn’t like us very much. I know he loves us but do you honestly think that during those times of…say road rage he is thinking “awe she’s such a sweetheart, I really like her” Like when we are yelling every profanity there ever was at the car in front of us for sitting through a green light because they are soooo involved in Facebook on their phone? Yeah, I’m thinking not. I bet there will be a lot of moments throughout my kids’ lives that they aren’t going to like me either!

But for now, for you enjoyment I give you my top 10 list of…..I don’t like my kid when….

 

1. I don’t like my kid when… they ask for the last bite of my chocolate pie.  Ummmm…..here I guess you can because sharing is suppose to be caring, right?

2. I don’t like my kid when…I tell them to go to bed and they all of a sudden remember that they have math homework…due tomorrow!

Fine! 1+1=2, 2+2=4….now go to bed and let that sink in!

3. I don’t like my kid when…I tell him to take out the trash and he instantly gets stricken with the urge to poop.  Well you better hold it in until you get this darn trash out!

4. I don’t like my kid when…he has a sudden case of honesty at the water park. “He’s under 9.” “I AM NOT! I’m 10!” As if he is going to get 19.95’s worth out of the ‘big’ slide!

5. I don’t like my kid when…he tells his Dad about how exciting it was when the police officer asked for mommy’s license and insurance….  Ummm….now I have to poop…

6. I don’t like my kid when…I tell her to stop bugging her brother and she says (with hands on hips) “say it nice mom”. Oh I’m getting ready to say it ‘nicely’

7. I don’t like my kid when…he starts yodeling throughout the house using a high pitched, screeching sound in place of his normal voice.  Don’t quit your day job, boy.

8. I don’t like my kid when…he asks me if it’s his turn on the computer yet..is it now?…is it now?….is it now?…. Perdoname, no habla ingles.

9. I don’t like my kid when…he unnecessarily repeats things I have said. My mom says you’re lazy………   I certainly did not! never speak in front of ears again repeat never speak in front of ears again.

10. I don’t like my kid when….I give him a hug and kiss in the morning and he tells me my breath stinks.    Ha, never!

 

I absolutely love my kids and I would be lost without them but let’s face it sometimes kids are just plain mean. “Mom, am I getting a baby brother?!?”  “No, why do you ask that?”  “Because your belly is sooooooo BIG!”

The secret is out, mom’s are human too! So why don’t you like your kids?

If you laughed while reading this or found yourself smiling even a little bit share it on Facebook! Sometimes we just have to find a reason to laugh or the stress will swallow us up. Thank you, and please click on the Top Mommy Blogger link to cast your vote for my blog! Keep coming back for more:)

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~

 

The Challenge Heard ‘Round the Neighborhood

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I woke up to a glorious Sunday morning, the sun was shining the birds were chirping and there were four wild children laughing, wrestling, and yanking the covers off of me in an exhausted attempt to get me out of bed. Honestly though, who doesn’t want to wake up to the contagious sounds of little giggles? These are the moments I know I will one day miss.  This is the first Sunday in four weeks we haven’t had to rush around and get six monkeys ready to spend the day at the football field watching the two oldest play games. Nope, instead today we got to lounge around while waiting until this evening to rush around getting the six ready for the games. Why is it that the more time I have to get ready the more I find myself rushing around to get everybody ready right before we need to leave? I’m hoping one day I can find an answer to that question.

It’s days like today that I find myself evaluating my life. Such as the choices I have made, the path I am on, the way I parent, the kind of wife I am and the list goes on and on and on and on. I like to make a mental list of everything I need to work on and I usually get pumped up to change, be better, be healthier, be more frugal, be, be, be, be……….. You know it’s amazing how quickly a leisurely day can become exhausting!

It never seems to fail that when I get in these moods Snookums is experiencing his own version. He usually wants to declutter something and if any of you reading this are like me when the husband wants to declutter you find yourself wishing you had drawn up that emergency exit plan! When Snookums starts cleaning, he wants to throw it all away and hem and haw about how I am border line hoarder. Let’s just say it’s not my kind of fun. But today was different. Today our house felt a little zen. Just a little, not a lot, our house could never be a lot zen. Nope, definitely not!

So as Snookums and I were downstairs enjoying our zen morning cleaning. All of the kids were upstairs cleaning their rooms. We could here them laughing and carrying on together and I’m not sure how Snookums felt but I was feeling pretty good about the dynamic of our family. It was in this moment that I decided to challenge Snookums to a whole month of no yelling. My pitch went something like this….”Hey Snooks, I’ve been thinking and I think that you and I should challenge ourselves to a whole month of no yelling! Let’s see what happens when we refrain from yelling at the kids for 4 whole weeks. I really think we will be surprised at the outcome! I think maybe we’ll be happier and experience a good change!” He of course replied with an enthusiastic “Ok.”

I for one, am a screamer and I hate that about myself. The more stressed I get the louder I yell and for no reason really. I swear sometimes I think my neighbors can probably hear me! This is something that I come back to often. Something I beat myself up for and constantly try and change. I always seem to complain that my voice is not heard. Does anybody have this problem? You talk and talk and talk to your family and after your finished one of them looks up and says “what?” AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!! It’s so frustrating and I wonder why I yell all the time! I’m getting loud in my head while I’m writing this! I’ve spent a lot time thinking about this and how this is probably the number one thing I want to change. I would imagine my children get tired of hearing my voice holler, heck I get tired of hearing my voice! I know it’s annoying, hahaha! I think sometimes maybe if I stop yelling they will start listening. Maybe they are tuning me out. I’m sure what they hear is Charlie Brown’s mom…”Wah- Wah- Wah”

The worst however, is when I hear them yell at each other. My first thought is how rude, I can’t believe they are being so disrespectful to each other! And then I fall back to earth and it hits me….why would I expect anything different from them when this is what I do! Children learn from experience. They do what we do. They say what we say and they act the way they see us acting. If we want our children to be more respectful then we need to start having more respect for them. This is what brought me to my decision to do this challenge. I want to raise respectful children, so I need to be a respectful parent. Does this mean I am not going to discipline my children when they act out? Absolutely not, I’m just not going to scream in their face to make myself feel better.

So imagine my elation when Snookums said “ok” to doing the challenge with me. This is going to be great I thought. I mean really how hard could it be, I thought. All I will need to do is remember their smiles and laughter when I feel the need to scream, I thought. And then it happened, no more than five minutes after we agreed to the challenge. We heard a blood curdling scream from upstairs, followed by a few more cries and then running footsteps coming down the stairs and of course more screams.  As I walk towards the staircase I repeat to myself don’t forget the challenge, don’t forget the challenge. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “Waaaghhhh, *sniff*, *sniff*, aaaahhhhggghhhhggaahh, akdfja kdjflakjdf” is what I hear coming from Sporty McGee’s mouth. “Sporty, what happened?” I calmly ask him. Why for, not far behind Sporty interjects “It was an accident mom! Oh man I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible brother! I thought he was trying to scare me, I didn’t mean to throw the toy so hard mom!” As he finishes up his account of what had happened, Sporty smiles at me to show me his big, beautiful, glorious, broke, FRONT tooth! Did I mention permanent tooth? I turn to look at Snookums, praying that he remembers our challenge, and I see him walk away to another room in response to this catastrophe. My response was a quiet, deflated “go to your rooms now” as I am burying my face in my hands. But guess what?! We didn’t scream at them!!! We remembered the challenge!!! Now if we can just get through the other three weeks and six days……and the rest of the days of our lives with six awesome kids! In the words of the great, Little Engine that Could…I think I can, I think I can….

Oh…. and Sporty is the SECOND child of ours to break off a front tooth in the last three months!

Thanks for reading!! Please share my blog and tell all your friends and family to check it out!! If you like what you see here click on the Top Mommy Blog Approved link to cast your vote for my blog! Don’t forget you can vote for me once a day. Have a bless day and remember the giggles because one day they are going to be gone and enjoying their own little gigglers!

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~

Girl, Don’t you know what causes that?…Part Deux

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It all started Saturday morning. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. to the birds chirping and a gentle breeze rustling my bedroom curtains. Hahahaha, okay, okay, so I rolled outta bed around 9 to a horrid screeching noise that sounded like it was painfully escaping…is that Why for, no, nope, definitely not, its Sporty McGee! You see Sporty McGee thinks that these God awful, unnatural, throaty sounds that he can make are cute. So FAR from cute, bordering on, if you don’t stop I’m going to rip you voice box out! Anyway, I scramble out the tangled mess of blankets that have unsuccessfully tried to eat me in the middle of the night. I’m. Going. to. strangle. that. child. Or maybe I’ll just have to breathe on him and the stank from my morning breath (post hot tamales before bed party) will silence him into submission. I start screaming “Sporty McGee SHUT IT! Everybody, get dressed quick, we got us some shopping to do!” The kids all of a sudden burst out into excited chatter, “oh shopping!” “Mama, I want an Xbox One” “Can I get Titanfall?” “Bad A** I need some new shoes!” My head jerks around as I’m clearing my throat, “Ummmm excuse ME Sporty McGee, what did you just say?” insert awkward silence here.  (Sporty McGee frequently forgets he just a young pup) “I said awesome Mom, I need some new shoes” insert oops busted, smile here.  “Yeah, that’s what I thought you said” I say this as I’m giving him the eye. The eye as in ‘boy I’m gonna whoop yo butt’, the eye as in ‘yo betta watch yoself’, or the eye as in “SHE’S GONNA BLOoOoOW!”  ~ “Oh silly children, we aren’t going shopping for you! Tomorrow’s Father’s Day, we gotta go get your Daddy something.” I explain in my best fairytale telling voice.  As I’m sure most of you know, a fairytale telling voice is one that is spoken in a sing song manner.  “Now get dressed PRONTO! I’m leaving in 5.” hahaha! Yeah right maybe 5 minutes in a Walgreens world (remember those commercials?)

Sooooo, an hour later we are all piled in the car ready to start our Father’s Day shopping extravaganza…first stop Atwoods!  We roll into Atwoods and SCORE (my life is all about “winning” these days) find a spot right next to the cart return! Oh yes, the days of parking as far away from that monstrosity so the car doesn’t banged up are loooong gone! Psshhhh! Besides, a dent from a runaway cart would go nicely with the side scratch from Butter Beans bike:) After I pull into the coveted spot and throw the bus into park, I bow my head dramatically as if I’m praying(I actually am praying for my sanity and patience) but I do this to quiet the congregation.  When I dramatically bow my head my little stars usually start saying “I didn’t do it!” before they quiet and listen to what the Big Kahuna has to say.  I slowly turn to face them and I speak in a quiet and gruff voice, I say “So help me Mother Mary, if ya’ll act up in here YOU WONT WANT TO SEE THE OUTCOME, make me proud kids, make me proud” After our little pep talk we all fall out of the bus. (or some people have felt the need to tell me that my precious family reminds them of clowns getting out of the car, “they just kept comin” haha) So for entertainment sake lets pretend that we pile out of a little ‘ole Volkswagen Bug! We all stand side by side holding hands taking up half the length of the parking lot as we walk in (imagine that there is a way cool them song playing while we walk across the parking lot, something like Bon Jovi’s Wanted Dead or Alive) We make it inside the store and grab a cart, I start throwing kids in while the big ones argue over who gets to push.  I look up from my work and notice the smug look and slight head shake I’m getting from a, well we’ll call her “nice”, lady.  I look her in the eye as she is silently counting my children and say “What? Haven’t ya ever seen a mama bring her kids to the store to shop for their daddies?” (notice I used Daddies in the plural form, yes as in a different Daddy for each one) Muahhhahahahaha, Just kidding, I totally didn’t, but imagine what the look on her face would have been had I actually said that!

After Atwoods, we head to the mall!  Once we get to the mall we hit a few stores pretty uneventfully until I stop in Hallmark on our way out. Which by the way is NOT a good store to take 5 boys and 1 girl who thinks she is a boy into! They really should reconfigure the lay out of their store! Anyhow, as I’m swatting hands back and hollering “stop that, don’t touch” I meet a man who finds my situation comical:) As he is chuckling he says “Boy, you got your hands full don’t ya?!” He continues to walk away but then stops and says (because obviously this is an important question) “Hey, I didn’t even ask…are they ALL yours?” I shake my head yes. Laughing even harder now he points towards us and says “Look Honey, better her than me huh?” hahaha.  Oh boy, the things people say! Boy, he doesn’t know how lucky he is that I prayed for sanity and patience before I went shopping, does he?!?!!! LOL.  After taking a quick break at the water park, we end our Father’s Day shopping extravaganza at Wal-Mart with Snookums. In Wal-Mart Snookums and I divide and conquer.  He takes half to the hunting and fishing department, while I take the other half to get what I need.  After I’m finished gathering all my items my half and I join Snookums, I turn the cart down the aisle to find Snookums talking fishing lures with his new pal, Gently Used Gent (image a very big, loud, country boy). When I join the pair, Gently Used Gent, or lets call him G.U.S. looks at me and says in a boisterous voice “you do have a brute of kids don’t ya!” insert knee slapping and lots of laughing here. “Oh boooooy, that’s a lot of kids! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many before (he’s obviously exaggerating, I mean come on, who hasn’t seen 19 kids and counting) They all yours?” Snookums chuckling says “Yes, Sir they are” G.U.S. continues with “Don’t you know what causes that?” Okay, at this point I magically freeze the scene (like they do in movies) and I think to myself, OMG (said in my most annoying “valley girl” voice)  here’s my chance to use one of my witty comebacks! Unfreeze scene. “Well of course we do, that’s the problem” says me:) Ummmm I should definitely rethink who I use my witty comebacks to in the future! My reply to G.U.S.’s question seems to really get him all excited, he starts laughing loudly again and he says to Snookums…..”How’d ya find one like her (talking about me) I gotta get me one of those! oh man, and she likes to fish! Wow, I’m gonna give you my number in case you find another one” At this point you are probably wondering if this really happened….yes, yes it did! He not only gave Snookums his number once but by the end of the conversation he had given it to him THREE times!! Oh I’m telling ya, the things people say!

Thank you for stopping by and reading my newest one!! If this one put a smile on your face and made you LOL then please share, share away with your friends! I appreciate you ALL! Have a Blessed day:)

XOXOXO~

~Mommamamom~ 

 

***Disclaimers***

***Snookums nor I condone childhood cussing and neither should you;) If you or someone you know suffers with this please seek help immediately.

***I would never really rip my child’s voice box out.

***Most days the things people say to me do not bother me. I actually get a kick out of them! So if you know me personally and are now racking your brain trying to remember what you have said to me in the past…STOP…and don’t worry I’m sure you’ll remember when you read about it in my blog:)