Tag Archives: adoption

a child lost…

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Dear Mommy,

Sometimes I get scared at night and cry for you, sometimes I feel like you’re lost and I’ll never be able to find you. But don’t worry Mommy, the nice lady brought me to a pretty house. There are lots of kids here, and there is a Mommy and a Daddy here! My new people gave me a clean new bed, new clean clothes and toys to play with. I learned about God, Mommy! Did you know that God loves you? Even when you’re bad he loves you. They give lots of hugs here but Mama they aren’t as good as yours. I like it here, but I miss you, I want to be with you. Mommy, why did you leave me alone? I was scared, that’s why I went to find you. I’m sorry Mommy, that I got taken away by the people with the flashing lights. I’m sorry I made you yell at me. I’m sorry I made a mess with your lip crayon, I promise if you let me come home I won’t ever touch it again. I’m sorry I left and now you have to miss me. Do you miss me Mommy?

Mom, why weren’t you there for me? Are the drugs more important than me? Do the late nights and all the men make you happier than what I can? I’m mad at you Mom. I am so angry, I just want to hit someone! These people here don’t understand. They think I’m just trouble. They don’t understand that I want to be good. I want to be happy. I want to be apart of their family. I want them to love me. I want to be wanted. I need to be loved. I try and control my anger but I have so many feelings. I feel like I’m drowning, like I’m going to explode, I feel so lost. Sometimes it gets so bad that I break things and at times the only thing I know to do is scream. I get so mad I take it out on the nice people. I know it’s not their fault, but who’s fault is it Mom? Is it mine?

Mom, what does it feel like to be high? I’ve been thinking maybe if I do the same thing you do, you’ll want to be with me again. I would do anything to make you proud of me. I remember the look in your eyes and the smile you would have when you would finally get your ‘medicine’. Does it make your sadness go away? Would it make mine disappear? I am so sad Mom, I just want to lose myself in another world. I just want to be good enough for you. I think if I do enough bad things, the nice people will get tired of me. Maybe if I’m mean they’ll make me leave and then I can come back home to you. Will you let me come back home? Would you give me another chance? The family I live with now are real nice, I feel safe here, but Mom they aren’t you. Mom, I just want to be with you again.

Mother, I want you to know that I still love you. I am so thankful that I have a chance at a better life, I feel like I’m finding my place in this crazy world. I still have my days, but mostly I’m not angry with you anymore. I know now that you only knew what you were taught. I know now that the drugs and alcohol took a strong hold on you and didn’t let go. I know now that some people aren’t strong enough to break the cycle. But Mother, I want you to know that I am. The bad stops here. I will not continue down your path, I will pave my own. I will create a life for myself to be proud of. Some days I still wonder why I wasn’t good enough, but then I am reminded that I am worthy. I am reminded that none of this was my fault. I am reminded everyday, several times a day that I am loved. I am wanted. Mother, I know you would love my new family. We have so much fun together, they are really good people. They are the ones that remind me and reassure me that I can and I will be somebody and something to be proud of! I want you to know Mother that I am happy. I am so very happy! My new family has taught me what it feels like to be in a family so now when I have my own I will know how to be a mommy. They taught me that I had to love myself first so that I could give my love to others. Mother, this will be the last time I write to you. Please know that I’m ok, and that a piece of my heart will always belong with you. I have been found Mother, I have been adopted! I have to go now, I have to let go now.

Love,
Your child…

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Loving Blindly in a Colorful World

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Colossians 3:12-14 says: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Imagine if the world loved as God intended us too! If we loved in perfect unity would we suffer from hunger, sickness, abuse of any kind? Would we be terrified of the masses of children seeking shelter in our grand Country? Would we still live in fear to this day of losing what our soldiers, their families and our founding fathers have given their blood, sweat and tears for? Would we have to bring back heroes in coffins with flags draped over? Would we still be fearful of another 9/11 attack? Ask yourself this if we loved the way God asks us too, would we have to worry about our belongings being stolen out of our vehicles or being mugged, raped, or murdered coming out of the store after last minute Christmas shopping? Would our children be safe to walk home from school without carrying whistles and a can of mace? Would we have to worry about our children going to summer camp and being “alone” with other adults? What if our only worry was our child falling down and getting a scrape, when they went out to explore the neighborhood, instead of being snatched up by a stranger. Imagine what kind of world we would live in if more people truly used the Bible, God’s word, as a guide to live life! What if people behaved the same way they do in Church on Sunday throughout the whole week?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34. Loving each other the way Jesus loves us would require an amazing amount of love, forgiveness, and a huge dose of open mindedness. The code that we live by today tells us that a love like this in impossible. We are taught to be judgmental and close minded. We are taught to be afraid of the homeless, the immigrants, the gays/lesbians and so many more. God doesn’t say show love to only those who YOU think deserve it. He doesn’t say shun the sinners. He doesn’t say only give to those who you know for sure need it. He says, “As I have loved you, you must love one another”. He says, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:17-18. He says, “If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. Rather be openhanded and freely lend him whatever he needs.” Deuteronomy 15:7-8. Did God not give us the WORLD? God does in deed talk about the sin of homosexuality in the bible, if you don’t agree read the book of Romans. But something else that he talks about is the fact that there is no one sin greater than the next. He is adamant in the fact that he, God, is the ONE and ONLY Judge. So for those of you who condemn others for their sin, I ask you one question…Have you, yourself lived a life without sin? LOVE the sinner, hate the sin. If we could hold true to this commandment everything would fall easily into place. To love in this fashion would mean to forgive, to not harbor hate in our hearts, to not spread malicious rumors (gossip), to not judge one another for our mishaps but to help each other up when we fall.

When we were given the choice to give our love to a child through adoption, Snookums and I knew the right answer immediately in our hearts. We sat the boys down (at that time their were 4) and we discussed what it would mean for our family to open up our hearts to another child. A child that would not look like us, a child that we had not been prepared for, a child that would be a different color, a child that may or may not have health concerns that we weren’t aware of, but ultimately a child our Heavenly Father made specifically for us! While discussing this, we explained to our children that people would more than likely look at us and judge. That at times it may be hard for them to take. I’ll never forget Why For’s answer to whether or not we should give our hearts, life and love to this beautiful child that did not grow in my belly. He simply said…”Well, she’s human ain’t she?”… “YES! She is.”, we exclaimed. “She deserves our love then.” he said.

God want’s us to have a child like innocence. To have an innocence like this would mean to love blindly. To love blindly would mean to love in the purest form. Maybe we should all strive to live by State Farm’s motto…”Like a good neighbor, State Farm I’ll be there.” So….imagine if we upheld one of the greatest commandments of all, to love one another the way Jesus loves us. Our world would be full of smiles and laughter. Our children wouldn’t know hunger or prejudice. We would all work together to clothe, feed, and nurture each other. God’s commandments would be our law. Imagine if we lived in a blind world!

Thank you for reading!! If this spoke to you in any way please feel free to share it with the world!! If you are new to my blog and like what you read then click the follow link on my page to get email notifications when I write something new! Tell everyone you know to check out my stuff!! I love hearing back from you so please leave your thoughts about this:) As always I hope you have a truly blessed day! Go out and love blindly!!!!

XOXOXO~
~Mommamamom~

Girl, don’t you know what causes that?

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Yes, as a matter of fact I do know what causes this! Snookums’ likes to respond with “that’s the problem” then he follows with a hardy hahaha. Having a large family comes with its fare share of “luggage” but one of my favorite and sometimes very annoying “carry on bags” is the one filled with all the questions, looks, whispers and just flat out bug eyed stares that we get on any given family outing.  Oh yes, people love to ask questions and make assumptions.  For the most part snookums and I can find the humor in it, but of course there are always those times when we have had “one of those days”. You know what kind I’m talking about. The kind that make Mommy Dearest look like Mary Poppins, the days that you find yourself googling the nearest mental hospital because that’s the closet version of a day spa you’ll ever lay eyes on! Yes, the days where your hairs a mess and you very well may have the same make up on from the night before. Yep, the kind of day when you are afraid to smile too big because you can’t recall if you brushed your teeth this morning or not! Those are always the days that we get the skeptical look, when we’re waiting in the check out line at Wal-Mart, the look of “where’d that one come from”?  Let me paint the picture…Me standing in line at Wal-Mart. I’ve got one hand holding onto the back of the baby’s shirt (so he doesn’t fall out of the cart of course) the other arm is reaching over into the basket swatting at the daughter’s eager efforts to open the ice cream carton, my leg is bent in an awkward position trying to protect the “I want this” stuff marketing people so cleverly place low to the ground in the check out stations from my “challenger” and I am looking in every which direction saying, “no you can’t have that, hey don’t touch that, I said no you, oh heck whoever you are”  to my three bigs whom I might add are suppose to know better. *sarcastic cough* yeah right *sarcastic cough*. Snookums is usually totally embarrassed and over it by this point that he is pretending not to be with us. While all of this is going on I have the lady behind me say “boy you guys have you’re hands full don’t ya.” Then, lady behind me will very dramatically look and every single one of the eight of us and then look back at our daughter and then snookums and me and then back at my daughter and so curiously ask “Are they ALL yours?” (I guess those of you reading this may be wondering why the looks? Our daughter is biracial and we were blessed by God with the chance to make her ours through adoption.) By this point I’m ready to scream in my best Ross Gellar impersonation with my hands flailing  “We were on a break!!!!” (Friends, best sitcom of all time!). Instead I ever so politely say “Yes, they are all ours whether it be biologically or through the wonderful gift of adoption” insert prettiest smile here.  It’s times like this, when snookums and I are walking back to the car, heads hanging, because we gave into our children’s relentless begging’s for chocolate, that we review the questions we get on a daily basis, most of the time from complete strangers.  It is in the safety of our car, which by the way would give a hard rock concert a run for it’s money noise wise, that we think of all the things we should of said. We all do it, we all come up with the witty and funny comeback just a few minutes to late. This point brings me to my point:) I thought it would be fun to list all the questions and comments we get along with the comebacks we should have said!  So for your enjoyment I have compiled a list of my top 5. Feel free to add to it! I hope you enjoyed my funny, commit this blog to memory, share it with your friends and come back for more stories from me:) I can promise you a laugh but I can’t promise you that I’ll always be politically correct. So if you can’t handle the heat then GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!  ~~XOXO~~

~Mommamamom

***Disclaimer

         ***Snookums works very hard to support our family, we pay for ourselves:)

         ***He doesn’t really pretend not to know us…I don’t think :/  😉

         ***I love my children and would never really “chain ’em up” 🙂

         ***I’m not an English major nor do I care if I used correct grammar or spelling so go ahead and make fun all ya want, I don’t care!                   

TOP 5

1. Question: How do you feed all those kids?

    Witty comeback: With your tax dollars! (LOL)

2. Question: Where did you find her? (in regards to my adopted daughter)

    Witty comeback: There was an awesome sale at Babies R Us last week! I even had a coupon!

3. Question: You guys going to keep trying until you get your girl? (we ALWAYS got this question before we were blessed with our girl)

    Witty comeback: You going to keep trying until you have a cute one?

4. Question: Do you know what causes that?

    Witty comeback: Yep, it was that dang bottle of Moscato and six pack of Bud.

5. Question: How do you handle all these kids?

    Witty comeback: I just chain ’em up.