The tangled webs we weave…

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Mom, Mama, MoOOOOooooooOOOOmmmmMMMmm!!!!!! “WHAAAAT!!??!” I scream back.  “I lost a tooth!!!” is what my little butter bean tells me.  At this time he is 5ish and this is like his first tooth that he actually lost on his own, by that I mean the first tooth that the dentist didn’t have to pull. Hey don’t judge, we try really hard to remember to brush our teeth around here:) He is so excited that he gets to put his tooth under his pillow that night and profit off of his pearly whites! So all of the clan, that is not napping, gathers around and we do our congratulatory high fives and way to goes.  We carefully put his tooth in a plastic baggy and we lay it in the kitchen window seal to await its destiny.  The hustle and bustle of the day goes on and then comes night fall…. Snookums and I try tirelessly to get our little stars to GO. TO. SLEEP.  I have no shame when it comes to trying to get them to sleep, you try putting six energetic little bunnies down for a good nights rest! I pull out all my tricks some of which may or may not include the night night monster, destruction to mankind as we know it, and my favorite if you don’t go to sleep the people that made SpongeBob are going to quit making it and you’ll never. get. to. watch. it. agaaaaiiin! Of course, I prayed for smart children and that is one of the prayers that God answered just the way I wanted him too! You all know how prayers go we tell God what we want and the way we want it and usually (this is how I imagine it anyway) he hears us and then starts laughing uncontrollably and says in his beautiful booming voice “Oh, really Sally, so that’s the way I should handle that. Hmm, well how bout I give you what you want in the way I want to and completely rock your world while I do it!” Well, that didn’t happen for me in this case, I prayed for smart kids and God gave them to me. Anyhoo, back to my story. So we try and try to get them to go to sleep and I’m sure your figuring out (from experience) where this is going, yep they are too darn smart to fall for my tricks. Soooo I try to wait them out (picture watching the Vatican and waiting for the smoke signal to let us know there’s been a new Pope elected) but all of a sudden there is a blinding light coming through the blinds, and yes, I wake up the next morning to a very angry, toothless, moneyless butter bean.  “MOOOOOOOOM, SHE DIDNT SHOW!”  Ooooops… “Ummmm, honey the tooth fairy was called out on an emergency run last night and she knew you of ALL kids would understand. Hey, I bet she leaves you even more money for having to wait. I think she pays interest.” insert reassuring smile here. 🙂 Well, that little lie seemed to tie him over for awhile anyway, but I knew I better not screw up again!  Snookums catches me in the hall and says in a death of a whisper “way to go tooth fairy” insert sarcastic smile here. Oh no he didn’t (said in my best Real Housewives of NY, Bethenny Frankel voice), choose your battles women, choose your battles.  We won’t watch the instant replay of this bad call now but we will put it in the file cabinet for future review! hahaha.  So, after feeling like “mom of the year” ~NOT~ all day, I put the kids down early and wait them out like a trained Navy Seal.  Or so I thought… I sneak very quietly into their bedroom, the 3 bigs shared a room at this time, I very carefully lift the pillow soaked with drool and slip the little baggie with the money maker inside out from underneath butter bean. Then just as I am slipping the $2 (remember the interest) back underneath the pillow and silently celebrating my “win” in my head I hear “Mom, what are you doing?” Oh crap! I instantly go into Cheech and Chong, Up in Smoke mode paranoid as all get out looking from side to side to figure out which one it is. Then I see two big brown eyes staring at me in a very condescending way. bum bum buuum….Its big foot or sometimes known as “why for?”  yep my one and only question master. Why for asks “Mom are you the tooth fairy?” Before answering this question I think long and hard for like a whole minute on what I should say. I could lie and make up some elaborate story that would give the one the night before a run for its money or I could hang my head and own up to the lie I have been living now for 9 years. So I decide that at his age it would be better to be honest, instead of continuing to let him believe that Larry the cable guy could grow wings and become very small when little children were sleeping and fly around collecting teeth in exchange for money (have you ever seen Tooth fairy 2) I would tell him that it was me.  To my surprise he took the news really well, but then again he has always been a little more mature than myself:) After the talk we both went to sleep, woke up the next morning and went about our business. But we had a connection, a shared secret just between the two of us we were now confidants.  So later that next day, I’m feeling pretty good cause I really just dodged a big bullet, Why for gets home from school. He starts lingering around me and hemming and hawing.  Finally, I start doing the dishes (this is when they all usually scatter, except my littles) and he is still lingering.  I’m starting to get a little worried at this point, he is normally gone by now, and BAM he lays a good one on me.  He says “So, Mom, I’ve been thinking…if you’re the tooth fairy, I’m starting to get really worried about Santa Claus!” AAAHHHH MAAAAN NOOOOOOOOO NOT SANTA!!!!!!!!! That’s what I was screaming on the inside! Don’t worry! I danced around that one and came out with a solid 10! Oh the tangled webs we weave! Retelling this story has made me think about some of the ridiculous lies we tell our kids! These are usually pretty universal lies, like, Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Drain Monster…oh wait what’s that I hear you saying? What’s The Drain Monster? Is that one only in my family? Don’t Judge, you try getting slippery little boogers out of the bath in timely manner:) I’ll give you my list of Top 5 ridiculous lies we tell our kids. But I also want to hear from you! I want to know what funny little lies you tell your kids:) Thank you for reading and I hope you fully enjoyed this one! If this put a smile on your face please, please SHARE with your friends!!! If you like what I have to write then follow my blog so that you will receive email updates when I post something new!! Keep watching for more and have a truly Blessed day!

xoxoxo

~Mommamamom

***Dislcaimers***

***A healthy marriage is not built on racking up negative points/ammo against the other. I try really hard to NOT do this! Try being the operative word:)

***This is MY version of how this story went down. I’m sure if you ask Snookums or our kids they would have a completely different view of what happened and I promise you it won’t be near as dramatic and it will be with a lot less “additives”

***My children do visit the Dentist regularly for preventative care. They just really LOVE candy, like their Mama:)

Top 5 List of ridiculous lies we tell our kids…

1. The Stork. Why yes child, you were dropped from 50 feet in the air on my doorstop by an overgrown bird with a hammock made out of a sheet!

2. If you don’t stay in your car seat the cops are going to arrest you. Ok, lets be honest here its our butts on the line not our 2 year olds:) LOL

3. The Night Night Monster. In our house at bed time, the night night monster wakes up and if the kids don’t go and lay in their bed he growls! I’m not sure whose bright idea this one was! I’m sure it was mine, I can imagine sitting in my chair and hearing for the umpteenth hundred time “MOOOOM I’m thirsty” and in my moment of weakness I growl at them and say “Go to bed, or I’ll get the night night monster!” Mom of the year moment right there:)

4. Larry the Boys Home Coordinator. Yep, you read it right! I have had to threaten Sporty Mcgee numerous times with this one.  “Sporty Mcgee if you don’t lose the attitude I’m sending you to a boys home!” I’m sure you can picture me picking up my cell phone and calling “Larry” A LOT!! and then imagine my surprise when we got a new preacher and his name happened to be Larry! Sporty Mcgee cried in complete horror over going to church that Sunday!

5. “Feeding the Fish”  Our “challenger” has a hard time going poo poo, #2, tiddle.  He will wait and wait and wait.  So Snookums did what any normal red blooded American Father would do, he told him that the fish down in the bottom of the potty were hungry and he needed to feed them:) So now our “challenger” will say “Mom, I need to go feed the fish now” 🙂 Works like a charm!

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